Hm.

Well, obviously (or obvious to me anyway) the sibling that comes to mind is my older brother and closest sibling, Larry. We grew up the closest in age, and the only two in the household since our other half & step siblings were all so much older than us. We’ve experienced a plethora of things, from child abuse to drugs to suicide attempts, ditching school, family vacations, holidays, death, loss, illness, separation…pretty much everything except war, and even then, our battles feel like a war. We’ve seen more things in our short lives than some people have seen in their entire existence. It’s brought us a lot closer together, but in some ways, our closeness has made our relationship difficult. We are so attached…too attached some would say, than when there is a riff, it can be a big one. Pain is magnified in our relationship. When we don’t agree, it’s not just a simple disagreement, but rather a painful tearing apart of our melded beings. I feel (more recently) that I hold back some of what I think or feel because I want to keep peace between us, and also because I know that realistically, we are our own beings…He needs to make his own decisions, just like I have to make mine. I may not like certain things, but its not my life to live. I can’t always be the protective sister. I don’t want to be the sister who always has something to say, but rather the sister who was always there, always supportive, always available, because if I’m being honest with myself, no matter what choices he makes, I will be there always. I will never leave his side. We have both been left by too many people, and at least I can give him the reassurance that he doesn’t have to experience loss when it comes to me.

As for my step siblings, well, I’m okay with them. We speak occasionally. We like each other just fine. I think my only quips with them is that I don’t understand their issue with our father: their father, my dad. They’re naive enough to believe lies about him, and granted, maybe back in their childhood he wasn’t who he is today. But they don’t even allow a second chance, despite the fact that seen him since he’s become a better person. I’ve seen them take advantage of him to get what they want. That, quite frankly, pisses me off. He’s an amazing dad…more dad than they deserve. When I get to thinking about their relationship with him, all my warm fuzzies for them dissipate. I love my dad way more than them, and it’s not okay that they don’t appreciate or bother to acknowledge him. The way I see it, it’s their loss.

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