Mini update

Well, I suppose I am long overdue for a medical/life update. Normally around this time I would be taking a nap, but there’s currently a technician in my house doing technical things, so I can’t go have a nap until after he’s done. Honestly, I should probably try and stay awake until this evening anyway since I managed to sleep about 14.5 hours after radiation yesterday.

Speaking of radiation, I am on week three of this round, and so far I seem to be handling it well. I have radiation M-F each week around 11:30am, and usually it makes me slightly nauseous and sleepy, so when I get home I tend to sleep a few hours. It’s amazing to me that my body gets to worn out from something that in reality doesn’t take very long. I only spend about 15 minutes bolted to the table under my fitted mesh-mask per day, but it’s a higher concentration of radiation being aimed at Lyle, so I suppose it makes sense that my head gets all hazy, and I get fatigued. My last day of radiation will be on 01/30, then I’ll have a bunch of tests and we will see what the future treatment is at that time.

At the moment I am up to three injections of Hydromorphone a day, along with Vicodin 3x a day and Methocarbamol as needed for breakthrough pains. Besides that, I’m on various other meds to treat my wide array of symptoms — vertigo, nausea, headaches, etc. I’m looking forward to the day that I don’t need all these pills and shots. That’ll be a sweet, sweet day. 🌈


I stood in the store aisle

Pondering which holiday tablecloth piqued my interest the most–

Red with white snowflakes,

White with silver trees,

Or the rustic reindeer.

My hands fumbled,

Attempting to match fabric napkins

With each design.

People came and went,

Bumping into my cart,

As I still contemplated.

On one such occasion,

I managed to drop some of the tablecloths,

And bending down–

a little too quickly perhaps

My body protested the sudden movement

And pain seared throughout

Leaving me teary-eyed,





When your reality turns out to be fantasy, mind tricks if you will, it can be an earth-shattering, scary thing.

I suspected that the fleeting shadows were figments of my imagination. Sometimes you look from the left to the right too quickly and you think you see something that in reality isn’t there at all. So I ignored them. But today, there was no ignoring you.

I heard the dishes first, early this morning. I knew Mosha wasn’t home, and it piqued my interest enough that I roused from bed and headed to the kitchen–the very empty kitchen. It’s damning because I know what I heard, but I also know what I saw, and they were two very contradicting things. I blamed lack of sleep and new medications as I meandered back to my bed.

I spent time messaging B, and in the midst of that, you appeared, walking alongside my bed, bringing me soup, chastising me for not taking care of myself. Who are you? I had never seen you before today. I didn’t have any sense of familiarity. Just as I began to sit up, you were gone, as quickly as you appeared. Yet you were so very real.

The next logical step would have been to get ahold of my oncologist, to raise the alarm to my medical team, but instead I retreated because of fear and unfamiliarity. I forced myself to sleep, a sleep from which I didn’t wake up from until late evening. Since I woke up, I’ve had a tingling sensation across my head (this is not new, but it has been a while since I’ve experienced it). I ate, plopped on the couch until now, desperately trying to distract myself from today’s happenings. Were they imagined? All evidence points to yes.

After a little prying, Mosha got it out of me, and we decided that first thing, I need to call my medical team. I’m not fearful in the sense that I feel there is a demonic presence in our home, and I don’t believe in ghosts, so that’s not it either. No, I am fairly certain that this is directly related to Lyle or the medications somehow. Best to deal with it sooner rather than later because I can’t imagine living life the way I had to live it today. It isn’t living at all.

Herberger Theater Festival of the Arts

Today Andrew and I went on an adventure to partake in the festivities at the annual Festival of the Arts put on by the Herberger Theater. There was live music, performances, children’s activities and food/shopping — oh, and of course, lots of art!

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